Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not?
by pandalover13
Summary: James is in love with Kendall, but is unsure of how to handle it. He fears the possibility of Kendall discovering him, but little does he know of the emotions Kendall hides from him, too. Their requited love is hidden from the other. Will it be exposed?


**Are You Gonna Kiss Me or Not?**

Rated T for Teen

Lying out upon the roof, the lights from the city beneath them lit up their shared world. Side by side they sat next to each other. Kendall, hugging his knees to his chest stared out into the sky, searching the darkness for an answer to his problems. James seemed to be at ease, lying back he perched himself up upon his elbows. A heavy sigh escaped him, catching Kendall's attention. Glancing over his shoulder he looked back at James. James' head was tilted back; his hair hung back from his face, his hazel eyes scanned the sky. He appeared to be looking for something. Kendall watched him with wonderment. He pondered to himself the question of whether or not James truly knew how beautiful he was. Kendall allowed for his eyes to skim over James' body, just one of the many look-overs he allowed for himself each and every day when he was certain no one would see him. He took mental pictures of his sunshine so he would have them to relinquish in on a rainy day.

Lifting his head, James groaned loudly as he sat back up and rested his chin on his palm, turning his attention over to Kendall. Abruptly Kendall looked away, a blush forming over his face. He'd been staring again. Cocking his head, James looked questioningly at Kendall.

"Isn't it sad?" James' voice sounded distant. Kendall turned towards James, a perplexed expression plastered across his features, but James had already returned his attention back to the sky lingering above the two of them.

"What do you mean?" Kendall spoke softly. James glanced at him. He seemed saddened. Kendall gaped, unsure of what could possibly be troubling his Jamie. "James?" he questioned once more.

"You can't see them," James answered after a moment of silence. He wore a slight pout. Kendall followed James' gaze upwards, finding nothing more than darkness. "The stars I mean. You can't see them." James' voice shook. He was hiding something, and it was hurting him. Kendall could see the struggle James was putting up to keep from crying. Kendall moved in closer, his hand brushing James'. Flinching, James pulled his hand to himself. He couldn't bring himself to look at Kendall. Shocked, Kendall gawked up at him.

"J-James…?" Kendall whispered, he sounded hurt.

"I…," James begun inaudibly, suddenly, he pushed himself off the ground and made a retreat for the nearest exit. "I'm sorry!" He ran, leaving Kendall alone upon the roof, thinking he had done something wrong.

"James, wait!" He heard Kendall call after him. A tear fell from his eye; it strolled down his face, and lost itself to the wind, being carried to anywhere but here. Kendall stared after him.

James, breathing heavily ran down the halls, running until his body couldn't take it anymore. His vision had become blurred with the tears he could no longer fight back. Without warning his foot came out from beneath him, sending him stumbling. Unable to catch his balance he fell to the floor. Time seemed to slow as he neared the carpeted flooring. He reached out his arms, attempting to catch himself. His hands scraped against the carpeting. Landing on his side he slid, hitting his back on the wall. He let out an audible groan.

For a moment he did no more than lay there. He felt hopeless, unknown of the next decision he should make. He couldn't take it, this emotion of uneasiness, this feeling of being in love. Love, yes, he was in love, and with none other than his childhood friend, Kendall Knight.

Sitting up, he leant his head back against the wall, he allowed for his hair to fall in his face, covering his eyes, hiding the tears he had begun to cry. The tears kept falling, he had begun to sob. His memory worked against him as the image of Kendall, a wounded look in his eyes as he pleaded for James to stay. James grinded his teeth as Kendall's voice called out to him faintly. He could hear the way he, too, was fighting back oncoming tears.

"Damn it," James growled quietly as his fist hit the dry wall behind him. He brought his hands to his ears, trying to tune him out, and shook his head. The image of Kendall shattered and his mind returned blank. Alone he continued to shed his tears, wishing somehow he was liberating himself of the unbearable pain he felt inside. The pain he so desperately hid from Kendall.

Still lingering in his same spot as before, Kendall remained seated on the roof. How could he of-? No. This couldn't have been his fault! Could it? What did he do?

"What did I do?" Kendall mumbled to himself as he ran a shaky hand through his hair. His voice trembled. In his mind he watched as James flinched away from his accidental touch, how he had ran from him….how he had ran from him. James had run from him. Was it truly something he had done? Was this honestly his fault? Was he the one to blame? "Jamie…?" his voice carried with the wind.

A shiver ran through James' body. His tears had seized and he was now ready to go home. Lifting himself from the ground he rubbed his face dry and brushed his hair from his face. Shoving his hands into his jacket pockets he lowered his head and made his way back to two-J. All the while he watched his feet.

His hand grasped the knob, turning it slowly he open the door, listening as it creaked. He didn't walk through. He wondered if Kendall had returned home. Thinking of Kendall made James feel weak, causing for him to feel limp and almost lifeless. His hidden love for Kendall has drowned him of any potential energy he had compressed. He had become secretly depressed, and Kendall was the one to blame. He hated to think of it that way, but to him it was the only truth. If he had not of fallen in love with Kendall he would not be experiencing such turmoil.

Stepping in he closed the door behind him, his eyes adjusting to the darkness. Feeling his way around he made it to his and Kendall's shared bedroom. The door was open and no light was on. He walked cautiously through the room, stubbing his toe on the end of his bed. Leaning forward he reached for lamp beside his bed. He pulled down on the dangling cord and the room was filled with a soft dim glow. James pulled back; standing straight he searched the room for Kendall.

Kendall's bed, sloppily made up, was empty. He wasn't here. Kendall hadn't returned home. Discarding his jacket on to the end of the bed, James took a seat on the edge. He rested his elbows on his knees and entangled his fingers together, placing his hands under his chin. While thinking he grinded his teeth together. Should he-? No. He didn't have the courage. Did he? To love someone in secrecy is one thing, but admitting to them you're in love is another. James tapped his foot, contemplating the moment. He knew where Kendall was.

Standing up he made up his mind. Leaving the light on and his jacket behind James ran back to the roof. He ran back to Kendall.

Kendall, standing up, stretched his arms above his head, he was going home. He had, had enough with waiting on James. So patiently he remained by James' side, hoping one day he would come to see the love they shared and give into what they both knew was wrong in the eyes of outsiders, but to them didn't seem, too, bad. But from his perspective his prayers would not be answered. Sometimes he assumed that some of God's greatest gifts come from the results of unanswered prayers, but this was one prayer he would love to have answered. He would love to have James; to have him to hold, to have him to kiss, to have him to seduce and pleasure. Just to have him, allowing for him to be his is all he's ever asked for. It's all he's ever wanted. It tore him to pieces to see him unable to bare his touch. Without knowing, James had subconsciously abandoned him.

To the sound of footsteps, Kendall turned his head to the left, his eyes caught glimpse of James, standing a few feet away, panting for breath, and his eyes were rimmed red. Kendall dropped his arms and locked eyes with James. Both had something to say, but the words wouldn't come. James looked as if he were about to break into another fit of tears. His bottom lip quivered.

"Ken…Kendall?" James spoke timidly.

"James," Kendall whispered. He was shocked to see James standing there. He honestly didn't expect for him to return. James, to the call of his name ran to Kendall. He threw his arms around him and clung to him tightly. Kendall, taken aback, froze in James' embrace. "Ja-," he begun.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" James' apologies cut him off. Kendall was utterly confused. Just moments ago James appeared to not be able to stand his touch and now here he is, holding him close. A tear fell from Kendall's eye. Hesitantly he wrapped his arms around James' neck. He snuggled in closer, his breath tracing his skin.

"Why are you apologizing?" he asked softly, snuggling in closer.

"I n-never told you…," James spoke slowly, almost as if he were struggling with his words. Kendall pulled away slightly to gaze into James' green speckled brunette colored eyes. "I love you."

A warm expression danced in James' eyes. He wore a small grin. Kendall blushed and looked down at the ground and then back at James.

James loves him? Could it be-? No, that's foolish; like something from a novel, but hey, whoever said dreams don't come true?

A smirk formed across Kendall's lips as he reached upwards and cupped James' face in his hand, pulling him closer. Seductively he whispered, "Well, you gonna kiss me or not?" his breath ghosted upon James' lips. With Kendall's request lingering between them he brought Kendall closer, closing the distance between them. For the first time their lips came together, sharing true love's first kiss. The kiss was soft. It was tender.

Pulling away gently, Kendall looked back into James' eyes. "I love you, too."

**The End**

Friday, March 12th, 2011


End file.
